Better off Dead Book Four Read online

  Sorry, I was distracting myself. And fair enough. The skeleton guards gestured forward, and the first group of broken souls warily approached the lava.

  “Do I have to jump in that?” I hissed at Mr. Fenticle.

  His whiskers were twitching wildly. Obviously he wasn’t fond of the idea of taking a hot bath in a river of frigging molten rock, either. “I’m trying to think of a way around it, but alas, I cannot. I should be fine, however,” he added quickly.

  I almost struck him on the head, but I watched as another skeleton guard shifted past me, and I quickly controlled myself. When the guard was out of earshot, I crunched in and hissed in Mr. Fenticle’s ear once more. “That’s all very well for you. If I set foot in that, it’s going to burn said foot right off.”

  “Not necessarily,” Mr. Fenticle said quickly and with an excited waver to his voice. “You were not burned by the Hell flames when we transported down to Hell, were you? We cannot forget that you are engaged—” he stopped abruptly before filling in who I was engaged to.

  Several of the souls around me were turning to stare my way. While most of them had completely dead gazes, a few had a touch of intelligence behind them I found too dangerous not to note.

  I tried to smile at them, then promptly realized that I was not waiting in line for a coffee. I looked down at my feet once more. Only when I judged that people had begun to ignore us again did I get a little closer to Mr. Fenticle. “I am not about to risk my life on the possibility that this ring will protect me from that.” I gestured with a shrug of my shoulder toward the boiling river. The first of the souls had already jumped inside. I could hear their screams as they melted away.

  “The corporeal form must be left behind,” one of the tallest skeleton guards said in a booming voice that rocked over this barren wasteland. “Anything that ties you to your past must be liberated.”

  I clenched my teeth and closed my eyes. I tried to figure out what would actually happen to me if I jumped into that damnation river. I wouldn’t die... right? My resurrection curse was permanent until Hilliker blasted through the rest of its energy. But if this river was specifically programmed to rip a person’s body from them, then maybe it would be able to overwrite my curse?

  I started to become cold, despite the rising heat off the river. I was sweaty all over, too – a fact I had to hide as one of the souls jostled close to me and frowned at the beads glimmering across my brow. I quickly wiped them away.

  Guards were churning through the rest of the souls quickly. Their screams were thick in the air. There were now only two groups ahead of me. As my heart pounded harder and harder, beating a virtual military tattoo in my chest – I clenched my hands into fists, turning my nails in until they could’ve ripped through my palms. There was only one group ahead of me now. Then there was nothing.

  Mr. Fenticle went first. He turned and looked at me. He nodded once. Then he jumped in. He didn’t scream. Unlike the souls around him, he was already damned. The flames wouldn’t touch him. The question was, would they touch me?

  I took a step up to the river. I was close enough that my clothes began to burn off me. It didn’t matter that they were nothing more than manifestations of my own magic. They too technically had forms, and those forms were taken off them.

  “Move,” one of the skeletons said as he shoved me.

  I shored up my balance rather than let him push me into the river. I saw a flicker of suspicion dance through his eyes – even though he only had black hollows.

  I squeezed my eyes closed. I thought of Sonos. I didn’t know where he was. I knew he was injured. And I knew he didn’t want me going after him. But none of that was the point. I grabbed my engagement ring.

  “Sonos, if you’re out there,” I mouthed. “Help me.”

  I couldn’t wait any longer. One of the skeletons shoved me right in the middle of my back. I couldn’t hold on anymore. I fell face-first into the lava. At first it didn’t hurt – then it did. For a split second, total pain owned me. It ravaged my body. It rushed through me, plowed down into my soul, then ripped right up through every organ and tissue. But it did not and could not last. As I sank through the flames and my body began to disintegrate around me, this relief flooded in after it. It was like a glorious sun after an endless night.

  As I drifted further and further down through the boiling molten lava, I saw other souls beginning to disintegrate. Their clothes went first, then their bodies, then finally their faces. I saw a range of expressions, from terror, to outright pain, to peace. But one by one, every face disappeared.

  I tried to touch my own face, but my body was only a shadow of itself now.

  I drifted further and further down through the lava. It took me a while, but I began to notice the fact that none of the other souls had made it down this far. The last soul I could see was only visible if I tipped my head up and stared right through the water table – or lava table, if you wanted to be technical.

  I reached out a hand, realizing I was sinking too far. But that’s when I lost most of my hand. It just drifted away as if it had never been.

  I still had a mouth – or at least half of one. It was enough that I managed to open my lips and scream – even underneath the lava. “What the hell is happening to me?”

  I didn’t get my answer. For I had phrased the question wrong. It was not Hell that was occurring, but something much, much deeper.

  Chapter 3

  I continued to sink. My body continued to disappear, the process becoming faster the further down through the lava I went. There was no one visible now. I felt like some deep-sea fish that had left all of ocean life behind in order to explore the very heart of this world.

  I couldn’t scream. God knows I didn’t need to breathe. It felt like I was nothing more than a pinprick of awareness.

  You would think that the further down through the lava table I went, the darker it would become, but that was not the case. It didn’t even matter that I didn’t have eyes anymore through which to see the dappled, burning light of the molten rock. It surrounded me, my only company as I continued to sink and sink and sink.

  I had no idea where Mr. Fenticle was, but he certainly wasn’t anywhere near me.

  I sank yet further. I had no clue how long had passed. Time became irrelevant. It was something I wanted to grasp but had no capacity to hold. As it spilled around me, getting faster and yet moving slowly like drops of drying blood, I tried to close my mind off. I told myself this was it. I’d found a way to get away from Hilliker. For I had foolishly sacrificed myself not to him and the Banished, but to time itself.

  ... But there was something about that thought, something that pulled me deeper.

  As it flitted and danced through my brain, the only thing I could think of was the revelations I’d already come across when I’d accepted my Deep magic. The Deep was not a destination – but a process. It was a never-ending path – this winding road that took you through all experience, all matter, all time.

  It was as I started to recognize the characteristics of the Deep that the world around me began to change. The lava was still there, bubbling like boiling blood, but I began to see through it. I caught glimpses of cities, whole worlds even. I saw the splendid architecture of some sprawling metropolis. I saw people, souls, creatures of the damned – but more. I was somehow glimpsing the thousands of realms of Hell on fast forward.

  I’d always known that Hell was a big place, but I had never accepted how much larger it was than Earth. I suppose I’d never really thought it through, but of course it would have to be bigger than Earth. Earth only contained the current living human population and animal and plant world. Hell and Heaven, on the other hand, had to accommodate all who had passed.

  I continued to catch more and more glimpses. I swore I could see everything in Hell all at once. Every damned and broken soul, every general, every ghost. At one point I thought I glimpsed the Devil himself as he sat atop his solid blood throne.

  But it didn
’t last, and that there was the point. I kept going deeper and deeper until finally I felt something appear under my feet. It wasn’t solid at first, but the more weight I tried to put on it, the easier it became.

  A few moments ago, I hadn’t even had feet. As I’d already pointed out, I’d been nothing more than a pinpoint of awareness. But the more I tried to stand and the more I realized that in order to stand I had to have something to stand with, the more my body began to appear. Soon enough my hands manifested. I pulled them up and stared at them. The very first things that appeared were my resurrection marks. All my life, no matter what I’d done, I’d been terrified of them. Now as they glowed far more brightly than any fire, they brought with them a warmth like no other.

  Slowly but surely, the veil of lava above me lifted. I turned my head up to see that there was some form of sky above me. Turning my head down, I realized there was some form of ground beneath me, too. But as soon as I set my mind to describe either, my mind simply gave up.

  There were colors, forms and shapes – but I could not define them, for I’d never seen anything like them. They did not stay still for even a micro fraction of a second, anyway. Everything shifted and moved around me and yet remained solid enough that I stood on a ground that did not swallow me up.

  I continued to stare at my resurrection marks, for they were brighter than they ever had been. They’d only started glowing recently. That could not rival what they were doing now. It looked as if all of the energy and light of reality had been condensed down and packed into every whirl and straight line.

  I spent a few more breathless moments staring at them until my eyes shimmered with tears.

  “I’ve always been so scared of you, haven’t I?” I whispered, my voice choked.

  My marks could not answer. Or maybe they could, because they glimmered even brighter. It captured my attention, drawing my focus out of myself.

  While this scene was amazing and it captured my breath – not that I had to breathe down here, of course – I couldn’t forget my reality. Sonos and Lilly were still out there. While I wanted to believe that Hilliker couldn’t find me down here, I didn’t know that for sure. When he finally broke out of Hell, he’d be free to go anywhere, for he would be so filled with the power of the Banished that no realm would be off-limits.

  As hard as it was, I closed my eyes, squeezed them shut, and forced my hands down. I flattened them against my legs, focused my mind, then opened my eyes once more. The world around me continued to change, but I was no longer swept up in it. I took a step. That was a mistake. It’s easy to walk when you know where you’re going. In order to have a destination, it must be fundamentally different to the place which you set off from. How can you have a destination and a starting point in a world that is forever changing? As I took another step, I faced the space I had just left from, but then it morphed and turned into something entirely different. I took another step, but my sense of direction was completely spent. I wasn’t sure if I was walking backward, forward, up in the sky or down on the ground. It became too much for me, and I collapsed down to my knees and clutched my head.

  “I have to get out of here,” I whispered. “This... this is the Deep, isn’t it? Thank you for taking me here. Thank you for saving me from that lava. But I have to get out of here. I need to save Sonos and my sister, Lilly.”

  I didn’t know who I was speaking to. There was no one around. Even if there had been, it wouldn’t be like they’d be able to be solid enough to actually constitute a person. Judging by how much the sky and everything else changed, if a human being or any other creature were unlucky enough to be down here with me, their entire body would morph out from underneath their feet in a nanosecond.

  I clutched my brow again. Sinking my fingers all the way in, I waited until pain erupted through me, then I forced myself up again. Clenching my teeth, I staggered forward. “Please,” I hissed, even though it was a complete waste of time. “Please, help me. Get me out of this place. I need to find a way to save my friends, to save Sonos and my sister. Please.”

  I don’t think I had ever been more desperate in my life. I know I’d already said that before, but as tears trailed down my cheeks then were instantly whisked away as this chaotic space took them and changed them on fast forward, I had to plunge my entire heart into my desperation just to hold on to it. I could feel myself changing. It wasn’t just the world around me. If I was stupid enough to look down at my naked body, I realized that it was growing and contracting, lengthening and shortening. If I stared at it for too long, I forgot all about my thoughts and my needs.

  I fell down to my knees once more.

  It took me too long to shove back up. More tears trailed down my cheeks. As soon as they fell off my chin, they evaporated. But some of them simply changed position. They transported, appearing above me like rain. As they hailed down against my face, some were cold, some were hot. Some felt as light as feathers, but others as heavy as stones.

  “Please. I know you’re here to help me. I’m sorry I’ve always been so afraid of you. But I have to get out. I have to save Lilly and Sonos.”

  More tears hailed down. For as I cried, they appeared above me, thicker than ever. They soon turned into a drenching rain.

  I wandered. But there was nowhere to go to. When all space is similar, destinations are impossible. And while there was nothing in this realm that looked the same, its dissimilarity acted in the same way.

  I continued to walk and cry until time became irrelevant. I couldn’t take it anymore, and I fell down to my knees.

  I had to get out of here. Time... who knew how long it had been? It could have been hours or days or years. Hilliker’s arrival could be imminent. The more my fear got to me, the more it promised me that he was on his way this very second.

  I screamed at the sky, but what could that possibly do? It did not suddenly bring it down nor transport me out of here. It simply made my voice hoarse. I screamed again, but once more, it achieved nothing.

  I no longer had any tears left to cry. The rain dried up above me only for an unsettling heat to set in.

  As I began to shake all over, my fear getting the better of me, I clutched the dirt. I tried to pull it out from underneath me, but what good would that do?

  I became increasingly more desperate. I called on my magic. I let it blast out into this realm. It did nothing. So I clutched my cross. I called to it with all my heart. I grabbed it so tightly, my hands could have fallen from my wrists. But again, it achieved nothing.

  Acting on instinct, I grabbed my sword ring. I twisted it to the side, but its magic would not work. So I clutched Lilly’s ring instead. “I’m so sorry to have to call on your power. I don’t want to hurt you like Hilliker did. Please,” my voice wavered. “Please help me get out of here.”

  As one last tear drifted down my cheek, I twisted the ring.

  Nothing happened. My tear fell off my chin and reappeared above me, suspended in the air. But that was it.

  Gasping, I fell back. I landed on my back. I stared up at that tear.

  This was it. I was stuck. I couldn’t get out of here. There was nothing anymore. No hope. No weapons. No magic. No nothing.

  I closed my eyes. I tried to give up and surrender to the situation, but I couldn’t let myself. Something promised me Hilliker was on his way. I had to do something.

  Before I knew what my hands were doing, I reached them behind me. I accessed my subspace pocket. There were thousands of things in it, but only one thing that could truly bring me comfort at a time like this.

  I grabbed out the snow globe. As it fell in front of me, disrupting a small cloud of dust, I remembered what Sonos had said. He wanted... he wanted me to destroy this thing.

  Terrified, I went to shove it back into my subspace pocket without activating it, but as soon as my fingers touched it, it activated on its own. I felt myself being pulled into his blessed embrace. The Deep realm around me shifted until I was back in the ballroom. It wasn’t the
same, though. It couldn’t completely obscure the world around me. The ballroom wasn’t so much crumbling anymore as fitfully changing. The floor was solid only under where Sonos and I danced. The rest of it drifted away in chunks only to be replaced by slices of sky or nebula.

  It was at once one of the most stunning and yet scary things I’d ever seen. It looked like reality fracturing.

  But there was one thing that was solid. Sonos’s grip. His face hadn’t formed yet. It seemed to be stuck behind a cloud. I grabbed hold of his hands so tightly, I’d never held onto anything more desperately in my life. “Sonos, Sonos,” I whispered in total gut-wrenching desperation. “Sonos,” I screamed until my voice arced up and echoed through this strange broken ballroom.

  He didn’t reply. Every other time I’d been here, he’d spoken to me in some fashion. Now he was just a set of hands and a body. His face was still obscured behind that creeping black cloud.

  “What the Hell is happening to you?” I despaired.

  He still did not reply. Around us, the ballroom continued to give way to the Deep realm. More sections of the floor fell away, revealing random swathes of the universe. I could see the tails of comets, the hearts of planets, a cross-section of a human’s skull. Even the heart of a glacier.

  But I could not see Sonos’s face.

  I became wild with fear. What if Hilliker had finally done something to Sonos and the reason I couldn’t see Sonos’s face was that his soul was gone?

  Just as that terror threatened to rip me apart, Sonos’s grip changed. It tightened. Though I hadn’t noticed it, his grip hadn’t been warm before. Now I felt just the faintest flutter of heat. I clutched hold of his hands so tightly, you could have ripped me out of reality, but I would’ve taken him with me.

  “Sonos, you are really there, aren’t you? This isn’t just a dream. You’re still alive, aren’t you? Please squeeze my hands if you are.”